Saturday, February 4, 2012

Separated but Not Equal

Some women's online dating profiles make it very clear - "no separated men need apply." Kind of a "check with me when you are legally divorced." Does that mean I can't date women because in my state you have to be separated for one year for a no-fault divorce? I'm not talking about having sex (well, maybe I am a little), I'm talking about taking a woman to a movie or to dinner to see if there is a new friendship or a mutual attraction.

I can come up with a few reasons some women classify "separated' as "still married."

1. OK, you got me on this one. You ARE still technically married, even if you are the "dumpee."

2. They assume you still are in love with your soon to be ex (especially if you talk incessantly about her), and that you may even end up going back to her.

3. They don't want to be the "rebound" romance that the experts say a man or woman will go through before he/she is ready for a new serious long-term relationship.

So, I have to remain celibate for a year to avoid potential adultery charges? Even if I know my marriage is toast and I'm just waiting for the paperwork? I am not allowed to even be considered as a potential match even if we may "click" on everything else?

I want to change my status from "separated" to "pre-divorced" to make it clearer I am out there on my own, that I have put my baggage away.

We are all damaged goods. Can I guarantee you that after 6 months, 1 year, 2 years from my breakup that I am "healed" enough for a new serious relationship? Seriously, you have to take chances in love, or you may just miss the person you could happily be with for the rest of your life.

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