Saturday, January 28, 2012

Date Site Name of the Day

OK, this one almost had me speechless:


From her pictures, I suppose her rack could make some men very happy.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

A Username that Makes You Squirm...

I just saw the most attractive username I have come by on the Seniors site...


No explanation in the profile, but I'm thinking she has some really unusual pets. Note to online daters: it's probably better to have a username that doesn't make your potential matches go "ick."

Saturday, January 21, 2012

60 is the New 40...

... I heard that from a woman who just turned 50. Such wishful thinking is so cute. When I was 40 years old, I still considered a joint something you smoked rather than something that creaks and pops. I had a 1 year old son at 40. A 1 year old now at 60 would have me crawling along with him on the floor, just trying to keep up.

But we are the Baby Boomers, hear us roar, that Senior just means we are not Junior any more. I definitely agree that we are younger in our minds, if not our bodies. We still love rock and roll, even if we really don't want to look like Keith Richards until we have been in our graves at least 10 years.

To everyone who has turned 50, or even 60 - wtf? How did this happen? You are just living your life, busy getting your ass kicked in multiple ways, when suddenly it seems you have gotten... (don't say it!) old.

That old friend "denial" shifts into gear and you tell yourself you are "middle-aged." Yes, I am, if I am going to live to be 120.

I was always the "youngest" to do some of the things I have done in life - youngest manager, youngest VP, youngest old fart.  When did the bags under my eyes start being big enough to pay baggage fees?  Why did my neck suddenly start to fall down? OK, I just heard every woman I know say "..and you are worried about your neck starting to sag???"

I will deny that I am old until I am too old to remember that I am, when 90 is the new 70.

The Shark in the Dating Pool

I was just putting my toe in the dating water when I met a woman who had already gone off the deep end. "Rita" had a profile that reflected that she was smart, sassy, and had movie star looks. She messaged me about getting together for a glass of wine, and I said to myself "self, why not?"

First bad sign for someone like me looking for honesty and trust in a relationship - she arrived looking much older than her picture, which was a glamor shot taken 15 years ago. The years had not been that kind to Rita, with a big weight gain and much sadder eyes.

By her 3rd glass of wine, Rita was getting very loud and in full party mode. By her 5th, she was talking about how great a lover she was, in graphic detail. After her 6th glass, I was able to pry her away from the bar and out to her car. Rita proceeded to pounce, with aggressive kisses and that extra hand women always complain about men having that seems to go right for the privates. I decided I really didn't want my privates to go public with this woman. Her sober self seemed nice, but I just could not picture myself having sex (for the first time in over two decades with someone other than my wife) with this woman, in this condition. And for the first time, I had the thought that this might not be the healthiest thing to do when it comes to potential sexually transmitted disease. I guess I have matured a little bit since the hormone raging days where I would have hit on her in a second (and probably lasted that long, too).

I followed Rita home to make sure she was able to drive OK, and took off, telling her I just wasn't ready to get intimate with anyone again.

I don't mean to make light of anyone with a drinking problem. But, I have decided that coffee dates are better first dates than wine dates. Coffee opens your eyes to what she's like, while drinking clouds your feelings and potentially your judgement. Note to self: self, if you are not ready to swim, don't dive into the deep end of the dating pool.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The Site for those with Failing Sight

The Site for Seniors Dating, which I will henceforth refer to as the "Seniors Site" (not its real name), accepts men and women between the ages of 50 and death. I am amazed that anyone 50 years old would be joining a Seniors site. I assume they are also the first ones not to be insulted by the early invitations to join AARP (the official "you are getting old" notice of America).

I also assumed the 60-70 year old men would not want to eliminate the 40 something women, who I'm sure are waiting eagerly by their computers to see if they can date  someone who looks like their grandfather.

Best Username So Far...


I assume this is a "hot fun gal" and not a particularly painful foot infection.

On the Road to being a "Wasband"

An actual message from a woman who was "matched" by the dating site to me in my first week on the site:
"Subject: Profile
I received your profile as a match and you sound like a great guy, but I'm too old, too tired and I hate football. Good luck."
And so began the adventures of a "dumpee" wandering through the  online dating world on his way to becoming a "wasband..."