The Light Inside

Some women post the very best photo taken of them in the past 20 years as their profile photo. That photo is often a professionally taken glamor shot, or even a high school, college, or wedding (!) picture.


I believe these women want to show who they are inside - that they are still young and beautiful even if they have aged. Sometimes, the woman seems to age as the pictures continue in order, showing how she has become the person she is now. Or, the beauty shot is the last one shown, as in - "this is me, too."

Sure, I wish I was as handsome as I was on my wedding day 25 years ago - and that I was as blissfully happy as I was that day. But, I can only be the person I am now and try to stay healthy and keep in shape as best I can, both physically and emotionally.

I love seeing a woman's genuine smile and the sparkle in her eyes. In those moments, I can see that young, beautiful woman still inside her. I don't need to see pictures of how she used to be. We are both older, but as long as that "I am still alive and looking for fun and love" spark is still there, we are not old.

Back Again for More

So, the online dating adventures continue.

Today's username:

ROTTIEGIRL - probably the perfect partner for MOLDY1 if the HOTFUNGAL doesn't work out.

When You Least Expect It...

I "met" the most cynical (and funny) woman on a dating site. From New Jersey, with attitude. KUMA posted pictures of 6 different beauty queens, including herself as a young model, claiming they were all her. She listed her weight at 450 and her height as 7'1" and wrote an outrageous profile. Bottom line, she was just tired of messaging and meeting jerks. I shared this blog with her - figured she would appreciate it - and found out there really was a lovely, smart woman behind the curtain. I wished her a Happy St. Patrick's Day and got this reply:

"Happy Patty's day to you too!!! Well it's been a blast chatting with you...you're the only guy on this F'ed up site that had 2 brain cells to rub together. This is my last day on this thing, my month is up. And believe it or not I found a WONDERFUL Man on a different site and I'm in love.....so you can write in your blog that most of the time Shit Happens.....just some rare times.... Magic Happens So I wish you on the Luck of the Irish day, nothing but magic in the rest of you life."

Even for a sometimes cynical guy, that's kinda nice.

Urine Trouble

Do you know there are many women who call themselves "Sweet Pee" on dating sites? With that spelling, wouldn't the "Princess and the Pee" be about bed wetting?

My Eyes are Up Here

It is surprising how many women post pictures of their very large breasts, sometimes in swimsuits, other times with necklines plunging down. I am shocked and appalled. Well, let's leave it at surprised.

I am glad these women are proud of at least parts of their bodies, but they must know they are baiting the hook for guys with a "scratch and spit" mentality. The neandrathals may read the profile, but it's the pics that have their attention.

I prefer women who are modest about having ample treasures, so men might actually see their eyes and smiles. I'm of the opinion that "it's not the size that matters." And I have been telling that to every woman I get close to! (insert smiley face here).

Surely You Can't Be Serious? Yes I am serious...

... and don't call me Shirley (Leslie Nielsen in Airplane).

Surely these dating site names can't be serious:

"LABLUBBER" - which, since she mentions having a labrador retriever for a pet, she may mean to say she is a "lab lover." But, she does say in her profile that she "has a few extra pounds."

"GEEZERGIRL" - I suppose it's nice to have someone out there attracted to us geezers.

"PSYCHOGIRL54" - I am really hoping she is a psychologist.

A couple male names contributed by an online connection:

"DCCOFFIN" -  must picture a "til death do us part" kind of relationship.

"MOLDY1" -  definitely must introduce him to the "HOTFUNGAL."

When You Just Need a Single Friend

I realize now that all the female friends I have had for the past 27 years have been married. Sure, there have been "work friends," but none where I shared any deep feelings. So, on the road to relationship recovery, I am trying to make new female friends. Not just potential "girl friends" or lovers, but honest to goodness "share emotions and experiences" friends of the female persuasion.

It is not an easy thing to do when I'm in pain, when time alone starts to feel like loneliness, and when my ego has taken a beating because the person I loved most in the world is not "in love" with me any more. I don't want to just be liked. I want to be loved. I admit to being addicted to making love, and the feeling of withdrawal is intense.

I understand a lot of men in my position decide to bed every woman they can to prove they are desirable, while at the same time proving they are real jerks. But I have decided to do my best to, as my mother told me so delicately, "keep it in my pants."

The online world is very seductive. You can have dozens of instant female friends who laugh and flirt with you. But there is no physical connection. That has to happen in the "real world," not the fantasy world where you can share your deepest feelings and not have to worry whether you can do the same thing when an actual person is actually standing in front of you.

I think almost everyone on dating sites is looking for love, not just someone who will go to a movie or go bowling with you. It just doesn't seem to be the best place to build open, trusting relationships with good communication while I  struggle to learn to be a "single" person who is not just half a couple.

I believe that I need some good non-romantic female friends now, and when I am truly ready to face life alone, that will actually be the time when I am ready to fall in love again.

Another Dating Site Name of the Day

True Senior Site profile name:

"KALLGRL57"
To be fair, this is a European woman who is just learning English, but someone should probably tell her how saying you are a "Kall Girl" may lead to a lot of men with different expectations for a "date."

Why God Invented Spell Check

I think there is a tendency for (perhaps nervous?) profile writers on dating sites to not be too careful about spelling, which creates some interesting interpretations. For example:

- I got a "flirt" from a Vietnamese-American woman who was interested in "meating" me. Sounded like it could be painful and I didn't want to be objectified, so I passed on being "meat."

- A Leesburg, VA woman who is interested in men with "advanced degrees" says she is looking for someone "sofisticated." I would have contacted her, but I think I'm too intelligint.

Separated but Not Equal

Some women's online dating profiles make it very clear - "no separated men need apply." Kind of a "check with me when you are legally divorced." Does that mean I can't date women because in my state you have to be separated for one year for a no-fault divorce? I'm not talking about having sex (well, maybe I am a little), I'm talking about taking a woman to a movie or to dinner to see if there is a new friendship or a mutual attraction.

I can come up with a few reasons some women classify "separated' as "still married."

1. OK, you got me on this one. You ARE still technically married, even if you are the "dumpee."

2. They assume you still are in love with your soon to be ex (especially if you talk incessantly about her), and that you may even end up going back to her.

3. They don't want to be the "rebound" romance that the experts say a man or woman will go through before he/she is ready for a new serious long-term relationship.

So, I have to remain celibate for a year to avoid potential adultery charges? Even if I know my marriage is toast and I'm just waiting for the paperwork? I am not allowed to even be considered as a potential match even if we may "click" on everything else?

I want to change my status from "separated" to "pre-divorced" to make it clearer I am out there on my own, that I have put my baggage away.

We are all damaged goods. Can I guarantee you that after 6 months, 1 year, 2 years from my breakup that I am "healed" enough for a new serious relationship? Seriously, you have to take chances in love, or you may just miss the person you could happily be with for the rest of your life.

Extinguished by an Old Flame

On my way to my divorce, I have been trying to rekindle old friendships I have had through the years. When a former fiance of mine popped up on Facebook as someone I might want to friend, I said what the heck. About 30 years ago this beautiful woman decided 6 weeks before our wedding that she just didn't love me enough to marry me. Later, she said she had made a mistake, but I had already moved on and things did not end well. Looking back, it would probably have been my first divorce.

Anyway, I sent her a message asking her if I could "friend" her and received this response:

"Too early. Check with me again in another 30 years."

I suddenly remembered her sarcasm was something I always appreciated.

I responded that she would hear from me again when I am 90. By then, I will have graduated from Senior Dating Sites to Elderly Dating Sites.

Give that Woman a Hand

I have noticed a strange phenomenon on these dating sites - the appearance of an unattached hand on a woman's left or right shoulder. The other parts of the body belonging to the hand have been cropped out. I think it's likely that the body behind the hand has been severed from a relationship, too.

Sometimes the best pictures of a woman smiling might be those where a husband or boyfriend  had his arm around her. It makes me a little sad that a woman might not have a picture of herself standing alone, smiling proudly about the person she is, not just half a couple.

I don't believe that a husband and wife should be two halves of a whole. Two whole people standing on their own and sharing their independent lives makes more sense to me.

So women, lose the disembodied hands, just like you probably have taken the man attached to it out of your life. 

Date Site Name of the Day

OK, this one almost had me speechless:

HappyRack

From her pictures, I suppose her rack could make some men very happy.

A Username that Makes You Squirm...

I just saw the most attractive username I have come by on the Seniors site...

WORMWOMAN

No explanation in the profile, but I'm thinking she has some really unusual pets. Note to online daters: it's probably better to have a username that doesn't make your potential matches go "ick."

60 is the New 40...

... I heard that from a woman who just turned 50. Such wishful thinking is so cute. When I was 40 years old, I still considered a joint something you smoked rather than something that creaks and pops. I had a 1 year old son at 40. A 1 year old now at 60 would have me crawling along with him on the floor, just trying to keep up.

But we are the Baby Boomers, hear us roar, that Senior just means we are not Junior any more. I definitely agree that we are younger in our minds, if not our bodies. We still love rock and roll, even if we really don't want to look like Keith Richards until we have been in our graves at least 10 years.

To everyone who has turned 50, or even 60 - wtf? How did this happen? You are just living your life, busy getting your ass kicked in multiple ways, when suddenly it seems you have gotten... (don't say it!) old.

That old friend "denial" shifts into gear and you tell yourself you are "middle-aged." Yes, I am, if I am going to live to be 120.

I was always the "youngest" to do some of the things I have done in life - youngest manager, youngest VP, youngest old fart.  When did the bags under my eyes start being big enough to pay baggage fees?  Why did my neck suddenly start to fall down? OK, I just heard every woman I know say "..and you are worried about your neck starting to sag???"

I will deny that I am old until I am too old to remember that I am, when 90 is the new 70.

The Shark in the Dating Pool

I was just putting my toe in the dating water when I met a woman who had already gone off the deep end. "Rita" had a profile that reflected that she was smart, sassy, and had movie star looks. She messaged me about getting together for a glass of wine, and I said to myself "self, why not?"

First bad sign for someone like me looking for honesty and trust in a relationship - she arrived looking much older than her picture, which was a glamor shot taken 15 years ago. The years had not been that kind to Rita, with a big weight gain and much sadder eyes.

By her 3rd glass of wine, Rita was getting very loud and in full party mode. By her 5th, she was talking about how great a lover she was, in graphic detail. After her 6th glass, I was able to pry her away from the bar and out to her car. Rita proceeded to pounce, with aggressive kisses and that extra hand women always complain about men having that seems to go right for the privates. I decided I really didn't want my privates to go public with this woman. Her sober self seemed nice, but I just could not picture myself having sex (for the first time in over two decades with someone other than my wife) with this woman, in this condition. And for the first time, I had the thought that this might not be the healthiest thing to do when it comes to potential sexually transmitted disease. I guess I have matured a little bit since the hormone raging days where I would have hit on her in a second (and probably lasted that long, too).

I followed Rita home to make sure she was able to drive OK, and took off, telling her I just wasn't ready to get intimate with anyone again.

I don't mean to make light of anyone with a drinking problem. But, I have decided that coffee dates are better first dates than wine dates. Coffee opens your eyes to what she's like, while drinking clouds your feelings and potentially your judgement. Note to self: self, if you are not ready to swim, don't dive into the deep end of the dating pool.

The Site for those with Failing Sight

The Site for Seniors Dating, which I will henceforth refer to as the "Seniors Site" (not its real name), accepts men and women between the ages of 50 and death. I am amazed that anyone 50 years old would be joining a Seniors site. I assume they are also the first ones not to be insulted by the early invitations to join AARP (the official "you are getting old" notice of America).

I also assumed the 60-70 year old men would not want to eliminate the 40 something women, who I'm sure are waiting eagerly by their computers to see if they can date  someone who looks like their grandfather.

Best Username So Far...

hotfungal

I assume this is a "hot fun gal" and not a particularly painful foot infection.

On the Road to being a "Wasband"

An actual message from a woman who was "matched" by the dating site to me in my first week on the site:
"Subject: Profile

I received your profile as a match and you sound like a great guy, but I'm too old, too tired and I hate football. Good luck."

And so began the adventures of a "dumpee" wandering through the  online dating world on his way to becoming a "wasband..."